Out of Tune

I’ve experienced many life altering incidents between the time of my previous blog going down, to now. So, I’ve been attempting to devise a timeline to establish where exactly I should begin. 

It’s been difficult. 

It’s been challenging to mentally go back to a period of time and compartmentalize all my thoughts and emotions into words. As I am accustomed to mostly writing in the present moment.

The instant I would sit down to start writing, it would feel as if my mind would crash head-on, into utter writers block.

I would just sit there, diving into an abyss of emptiness. Completely voided of any thoughts, only feeling the intensity of the silence pulsing through my veins, as it impelled explosive beats of internal resistance. 

It felt like a rebellion within my mind. 

It left me unable to even manifest a single sentence. I only succeeded to publish a hundred white blank pages into my library of empty thoughts. 

Am I’m thinking to hard?

Actually, the hard truth was due to the relationship with myself- it was astray. So, this prevented my heart, mind, and soul to exist in-sync and work together cohesively to naturally pour out my thoughts and feelings into words. Everything I tried to write felt completely out of sync- I shouldn’t have to try. I believe that writing should flow fluently from the heart to the paper. If not, the reader can feel the existence of a forced piece and it will greatly fall short of having the rhythm that creates the reader to be in perfect tune with the feelings writer.

I needed time to stitch myself together, but now, they are collectively in the healing process to become a unit again. 

With that said, here and now, I decided to start with something that has profoundly affected my life in every area. 

Cystic Acne.

I greatly underestimated the power of those pesky bumps. I definitely never imagined myself ever writing about something so minuscule in life.

So I thought it was…

The next post following this one, will be the story of how my tumultuous journey began and where I found myself at the end. 

It will be much longer then my normal posts because I believe it’s vital I tell the story it in its entirety. As it would be near useless, if I’m partial to only providing the detailed accounts that align to my behalf, so I vow to remain embarrassingly open through it all.