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Loneliness Fight in Belonging

April 3, 2017 Thoughts

Loneliness– 1. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.: a lonely exile.
Belonging– To be in the relation of a member, adherent, inhabitant, etc.

Feelings of loneliness and the desire to belong are two facets of human nature that are spread so far apart on entirely opposite sides of life’s span. 

Yet, they are in perfect accordance with one another. 

Loneliness wouldn’t exist without desires of belonging…
Belonging wouldn’t exist without feelings of loneliness.

This idea reverts me back into my memory of the color wheel, where the complimentary colors are the ones directly opposite of each other.
Loneliness and belonging compliment the other. 
I feel as if anyone who’s belonging or trying to belong within an organization of some sort were most likely a person that felt a strong sense of loneliness at one time.
Loneliness is the motivational force within man that sets them on an adventure to find their place of belonging, and a deep longing to find security through acceptance. 
There are people who have join multiple groups of various origins throughout their lives, with hopes to become a part of something bigger than themselves or to find the affirmation they deeply sought for. Years ago, I became absorbed into the concept of feeling lonely and where it stems from and pondered to what it even means, and why does it even have to exist. For there to be millions of people living throughout the world, it’s a heart wrenching thought to believe so many feel as such…
Where am I amid of all these lonely souls. Why can’t I save them?
Why can’t God save them?
Why can’t the world save them?

There was an incident that happened at the time, where I felt I had nobody to turn to, and I started allowing myself to make myself believe I was alone in the world…as I was driving home from school when everything started to cram my thoughts and emotions-there I saw him.
There was a homeless man walking under a bridge… entirely alone.
That moment changed my life forever and I saw precisely what being alone and feeling lonely consisted of.
Then, the weight of the corrupted world poured upon me- it was a painful realization, but I also realized how many people I do have in my life that love me and support me and it’s my own fault for the isolation that I induced upon myself. I’ve spent more hours of my life alone then not alone, but I in general, besides that day, I have never felt “lonely” and I normally embraced the time secluded.

What makes belonging so powerful anyway?

People go through great lengths by extending and exaggerating stories into complete lies or tell a total fabrication of an experienced event that occurred in their lives, when they could have not gone through any of it.
They do this for the mere purpose of relating to others and to be able to make believe that share a common bond. Some have made attempts to recreate who they are all together or build up an abundance of lying tales to make themselves appear as an intriguing person- just to give them a place to belong or a person to relate with.
I have no doubt in my mind that prisons, gangs, whore houses, drug houses, AA meetings, churches, cults, and all the mind manipulated followers of hating groups…etc., are primarily full of people who have experienced abandonment and felt isolated from society before they got where they are. I’m not saying all the people, but most of them… perhaps their hearts were tampered with at a young age and they became tempted or recruited during a time of extreme vulnerability. They have been willing to die, put their lives in danger, and even to take another life to find their place of survival and to obtain favor- only to avoid the agonizing fear and anxiousness of accepting they are alone in the world.

I also believe it’s the misconception and false portrayals over social media that’s truly the primary blame for people to feel lonely in our society today.

It makes a lone soul feel left out from the world.
Unfortunately, the world is succumb in grief anyway. I’d prefer to be left out… 

Anyway, all of this came to heart because of a worker I always see when I go to the gas station. I honestly don’t know if this person is a man or a woman, but my heart sinks every time I look at him/her. He/she moves very awkward as if he’s unable to move in a swift manner as if his joints have been manipulated into the opposing angle they are meant to be moved in.
He doesn’t look in pain though.
I gathered she was once a man and tries to carry himself in a feminine way to be the woman he wants to be. She has extremely feminine facial features and other features, that clearly show she was/is once a woman, or vice versa.
Honestly, I admit it’s distorting to my eyes and alarming to my brain to make sense of it, but while it’s hard to comprehend what I am looking at; I try to be unaffected and look beyond what is at face value. I always show him kindness and respect to not make him feel weird inside, as I’m sure he already does (I’m not trying to act as some kindness giving martyr, but it’s what inspired me to write this).
I sensed his/her isolation and soul’s departure from humanity.
I hate the sadness that overcomes me every time I see him/her.
I’m in no way giving praise to transsexual transformations, but I have also never lived anything near to that kind of life, and can’t even fathom what it would feel like if I felt I was a man in all that I did and felt, but trapped in my woman’s body… it must be a life lived in utter doubt, insecurities, and endless turmoil.
It’s so painful to realize how some people go through life.
I believe this to be a blame to cause a person to feel eternally alone in themselves and routinely rejected from society. Which lead to the effects of them desperate for change, no matter the cost, and to search for their place of belonging.
Being the gender they know within.
I have read stories of some feeling regretful of their gender modifications for not realizing the actual severity it would have on their thinking process, their actions and inability to cope with the constant hormonal imbalances and emotional ranges.
They hoped for a better life with less complications, but received more in the making.
This must be devastating.
life revolves so strangely on so many levels. Our existence in general can sometimes feel pointless, but Its heartbreaking to see people go through endless downfalls and never reach a climatic change no matter how hard they try.
I have met a few gay people who claimed they always dated the opposite sex, but the relationships never worked out, and something happened between them with the same sex and they realized they were gay later in life. With this, I believe they began convincing themselves of anything that offered them a hope, and as long as the lonely void was filled to make them feel some sort of comfort in knowing they had a close companionship.

People act afraid to be lonely. It can cause an unwarranted anxiety.

It’s rare to find a person sitting alone anymore, without them being alone. 

You’ll see people texting, talking on the phone or their faces buried into Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram, whichever media offers the quickest responder to make them feel they are not alone; all the while, a neglected book to “read” lies open on the same page the entire time, in front of them.

Society has cunningly embedded a blind embarrassment for a person to be detected enjoying oneself in public “alone.” There’s a paralyzing fear from a convincing belief, that it’s unorthodox for one to naturally find comfort and complacent in a solitarily retreat, afar from worldly affairs.
The convenient and easily accessible media outlets have created a steady escape, that ensures an entirely false form of desirableness and sense of belonging. This idea has manifested into a creeping obsession against vulnerable emotions, and lies behind this deceiving cycle. Then, man becomes desperate to alleviate their loneliness derived from the mind’s grisly addiction for superficial “completeness.”  This constant emotional reinforcement leaves an unsettling “contentment” in the heart, which encourages the continual seek for any acceptance through all any of the various social media sources. People are reluctant and act in apprehension to experience a silenced mind in isolation; they’ve allowed their genuine selves to dissipate among the world during their maddening search for their identity.  Man have search through all areas of the world to find themselves, and overlooked the one place of finding it within the truth of themselves. 

People fear to accept who they are in silence.

There are some who accept their loneliness and act out of desperation to belong somewhere and some avoid it all together and escape into more emptiness.

When I greet a desolate soul, I feel it. Their agony clots my blood and my heart struggles through every beat trying to define their grief.
It can barely pump the anguish within me.
Their pain travels through me.
The burden has become so intense; I have had to leave their presence. I feel I can only be extra kind, and show them love if the moment offers it and hope it will enlighten their day or life in some way.

In these moments I feel powerless.

I’m not speaking of everyone who is simply alone going about their daily business, but the ones that I can just stand beside and their pain resonates in their very aura and begins to crush my spirit.
I try to manage my intuitional curse, but there are times it weakens me and causes me to flounder.

It’s impossible for one man to carry the weight of every man’s anguish.

I wonder why God has chosen some people to go through life feeling so alone in despair, and others can be showered in an inconceivable amount of support?
Maybe am put himself there by his own actions?
Although, I wholly believe it’s human’s wretched sin that man continually bring into the world… we created the curse upon this earth. In my sound mind, I know it’s not even logical to believe a world so vast could live in perfection, but in wishful thinking, I would want to eliminate the heart to ever feel such sufferings.
I consider that God does indeed guide everyone in his own way and specifically designed every persons’ path for a very special purpose and I know he is a God of justice, but it can appear so unfair sometimes.
I do believe man naturally craves God and he is the only thing that can ever truly make man feel whole. Without him, we long and go after all the wrong things to create more turmoil in our lives. It’s our pride and stubborn will that prevents God to work through us and heal any sort of loneliness that the world may bestow upon us.

The will for survival and obtaining an inconceivable amount of faith and contentment, elicits life to be a war zone of bleak and soulless enemies.

Every lonely soul I greet, Eleanor Rigby replays like an old abandoned and broken repeating record over and over… “Ah, look at the lonely people…all the lonely people, where do they all come from, all the lonely people, where do they belong…”

That is my very question?
Where do they all come from?
Where do they all belong?

I’d like to persuade myself that loneliness is nothing but an illusion within ourselves, prompt by the actions we decided to take through life. I am even referring to a seemingly “harmless” choice, as in to seclude our hearts from man and chose to avoid social gatherings or interactions…

Then again, tell this to a lonesome and forsaken heart’s face…
Their bleak stare, and the staleness through their stagnant eyes and staggering heart, would immediately convince me that their loneliness is no magical illusion.
It’s a life threatening intrusion, killing them from the inside out.

How now is it possible to come to grips with this painful reality?
Man must learn to cope through the world in healthy practices to demolish the developing lonely souls passed through one another.
Lead by example.
Do not take heed in following the rabbit down the hole of their soul shattering self inflicted habits.

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